Practical doesn’t always win

Well into the school year and several conversations later, Natasha still isn’t eating her lunch at school. We’re in the midst of big changes here in our household, and I’m sure that hasn’t helped. Despite what some opinions may be, the changes are for the better and one must remember that her anorexic behaviors have been ongoing for a couple of years.

After a few contacts with the school psychologist, we had concluded we’d just keep an eye on things and see how it went. That was over a month ago and I have yet to hear anything. I know she’s still not eating because her lunch account remains the same.

I’ve learned to pick my battles, and since she is coming home and eating some meals and snacking through the weekends, I’m imagining it’s more of a phobia of eating in public. That actually falls into the category of an anorexic as well. To date, she’s eaten one meal at school.

I can’t help myself from being a bit angry. Why not just completely free of anorexia? Why not just eat the food at school? And slowly, it feels as though the habits are sneaking in the back door, and I’ve taken notice that we’re arguing over food. Her main source of nutrition is soda and other sugary treats (okay, that’s my genes at work). And the unavoidable fact that I purchased a dozen donuts and threw them out after only four were eaten and the rest went stale.

And then there’s the older sister who is suffering from the same issues, perhaps in a more advanced stage as her physical signs are more noticeable. Like co-dependants, the two sisters support each other through the bad behaviors, the numerous walks every evening, the food avoidance. Older sister has a doctor’s appointment tomorrow to check on her progress or regression. Prayer is greatly appreciated.

The anger I feel is from the practical side of me. Sure I’ve been one to wallow or complain when something is wrong, but I always want to fix whatever it is that is unhealthy or broken and I’m frustrated that I cannot fix this. Bewildered that they don’t listen to my reason. And worried about their health. A bit self-centered too in that I’m getting my life together, trying to make a better living and that I might end up dining at the 2 star buffet at the hospital and shopping at the restaurant supply company again and require a storage unit for the mass quantities of straws and toothpicks I’ll purchase.

I know, one day at a time. And I also know that God truly has them in His hands. I cling to that for comfort and try to remember that He’s also holding me:)

A side note. If I seem callous or as if I take this too lightly, trust me. My heart is heavy with grief. However, I do have an odd sense of humor and it does keep me from totally cracking:)

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