Back to School

Well, summer seemed short and the kids are all back in school, at least here in parts of Colorado! And just as I had feared, fourth day at school and Natasha has yet to purchase a lunch.

It starts out the same. I ask her what she ate for lunch, given that in middle school you get a variety, and she tells me “pizza”. So I believe her because she’s my daughter and she says she ate. Of course I’ve forgotten that anorexia lies. But by this, the fourth day, I’ve caught on. It’s the little things like one day saying she only at the toppings, and the next day she didn’t eat the sausage, and finally today with not even knowing what the topping was. So either they’re serving mystery meat pizza or she’s caught in that horrible body image struggle again.

Also in my favor is the school’s new and improved lunch payment program website where you can view what they’ve purchased. And sure enough, Natasha has not purchased anything. Sadly enough, neither had her older sister. I check one more daughter just to be sure it wasn’t a system glitch but she had purchases listed.

I’m just sick. So sad and sick. We had made SO much progress with the Children’s Hospital program (which runs a total of $30,000 for two months out patient – Thank you God for insurance). Part of me wants to just blow it off and let her deal with it herself. I’m tired of emotion. And to have another daughter starting the very same behaviors really compounds my frustration.

As if to pound that fact in, the older sister just had a doctor’s appt at which she happily told me she had lost 10 lbs! And none of my girls needs to lose 10lbs.

Where to go with this? Prayer. That’s all I’ve got. And a thank you to the school district that in all my frustration with these cutbacks, they’ve at least given me this valuable tool so I can see what she’s eating. And I’ll wisely play that card.

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