I’ve had several people ask me how Natasha is doing. People have been so kind to keep up with her story (saga, drama, I don’t know what to call it?) and to ask about her sisters as well.
Up until today, I thought Natasha wasn’t doing so well. I thought she’d fallen back into the same patterns of eating too much or not enough, and part of that was because I’ve totally dropped the ball on my part. The planning, the being there for every meal and snack, etc. Life happens, and not that it’s an excuse, I’m just not always here to see that she eats or what and when she does. So today I thought I would just ask her how she thought she was doing. In her words, “Much better!”. As we talked, I realized that she is eating, and I have seen this. It might not be the healthiest of choices and really no one needs 3 Sprites in one day, even if it is a holiday! But I wonder if I just need to be thankful she’s eating, get those fruits and veggies in when I can, and relax a bit.
I do see her struggle though, and I know it’s because it’s more difficult out here in the real world. I know I had a much easier time handling the eating disorder with her team of nurses, psychiatrists, nutritionists and therapists at Children’s. They ran the show! I was expected to be at several sessions, and they were very intense, and I also needed to be sure to complete the menus for the week and have the proper amounts of fruits, veggies, etc. But they did the cooking and they made sure she had company at mealtimes during the days when I wasn’t there.
And then there’s the telltale notes I’ve found, because she’s a writer and leaves them everywhere without regard to whom might see them. The notes that talk about how she doesn’t want to be Anorexic again but she wants to be skinny again. Of course she’s still “anorexic” in that she’ll struggle from time to time with this disorder, but she’s anything but fat.
I realize how bad I’ve been about reading up on this disorder. Usually, I’ll find a topic and just read so much about it that I’ve either read it all or i tire of it. That hasn’t been the case with anorexia. Sure I’ve read the handouts they’ve given me and one book, but my current fascination with the Donner Party and there cannibalistic story, though one could call that disordered eating, is not a helpful topic. That’s meant to be a bit of humor:)
So I’ve decided that I’m going to dig in and read up on this. In doing so I know it’s going to be an emotional topic, and I know already that cutting is considered to be in the same family as eating disorders, and I know it’s not necessarily going to be entertaining. But I owe it to Natasha and to my other two daughters to be informed.
Together, my three girls and I have started reading “5 Conversations You Must Have With Your Daughter” So far we’ve read about today’s society and our obsession with looks. It’s nice to be together with them reading about God’s view of their beauty.