Thursday was a fine day. Aside from the fact that if I drop Natasha off, come back to work, drive back to get her and then come back home, it’s 100miles. Between the driving and the meetings, I am not home much if at all except to sleep.
This along with the attention Natasha is getting, is starting to wear on the older two girls. One of them in particular is having a hard time verbalizing her emotions.
I’m back at the hospital by 4pm and ready for DBT group. That’s the Dialectal Behavior Therapy group. Dialectal Behavior Therapy, or DBT is a therapy used for borderline personality disorder and the therapists at Children’s have found it works well with eating disorders. I still haven’t read much about it, mainly because I’ve pegged it as new age and am resistant to it. Kind of stubborn, eh? And I haven’t had much spare time.
Tonight the mindfulness activity is to hold the hand of your child and stare into their eyes for 1.5 minutes. I expect this to be no problem. However, Natasha wouldn’t look into my eyes or hold my hand, so it ended up making me feel really sad. Stupid activity if you ask me. haha. Then we go around the room and listen to how people felt when doing this. Next up was this mind-boggling thing called D.E.A.R.M.A.N. You’re supposed to use for interpersonal effectiveness. What is that you ask? EXACTLY! What is that?! I found that my brain hurt by the time we were done with that one.
Dinner time! Tonight Natasha has invited her friend, the girl I often see sad and without her family, to eat with us. We had a delightful time! At first I was nervous because you aren’t supposed to talk about the food, and what’s the thing you want to talk about when you can’t? Exactly. However, we did fine coming up with topics and still allowing time to eat in a timely fashion. (you have to finish eating within 30 minutes due to the fact that one of the anorexic behaviors is taking too long to finish – thereby avoiding the food when everyone else is done eating). It actually worked out good because Natasha had a salad and she hated that, but they were able to laugh about it and talk about something else to relieve her anxiety.
At home when it was snack time, I noticed that Natasha had a hard time eating just what she had in front of her. What I mean is that she wanted more. I did let her have a bit of salad, as snack was a sweet and I didn’t want her to just sugar it up! It was only later that I became aware of why.
I can only say that she had become anxious about a conversation that occurred between her sisters. Then I became worried that she’d not be able to get through situations that came up that upset her. She needed to be able to verbalize things instead of taking them out on herself by not eating.
I go to bed feeling somewhat defeated, but ready for Friday.