Thoughts on Life and a Bit of "Poor Me"

Oddly enough I’m not finding much humor in things these days. Life is such a mess right now that it’s quite dramatic in all areas and I occasionally find something. And I’m ashamed to say that of all things I’ve not bee reading my Bible. I’ve been praying jumbled, chaotic prayers and thankfully God can understand them. The prayers sound like a 2 year old jumping from one subject to another. I wish my brain would just stop thinking for awhile!

It’s no secret that my marriage has had troubles. The last year especially. And at this time I’m finding myself alone in the handling of my daughter’s anorexia. At the family therapy sessions, it’s me and my daughter. At dinners during the week, it’s me and my daughter. Dad does come to dinner during the weekend, but it’s not an easy thing for him. He doesn’t like sadness or emotion and it’s awkward. And since he’s missed all the nutrition meetings and counseling sessions, I have to coach him on what not to do, say, etc. And it’s lonely. I see other families being supportive and I feel somewhat ripped off.

Home is an even bigger mess right now as our usual routine has been changed. I’m struggling to fit work in and especially to make sure that my other two daughters aren’t lost in the shuffle. Even though they’re in their teens, they still need me around. I know they’re stressed out as well as they feel it’s all about the little sister, as if because of her hospitalization, I love her more.

We miss church because of the time frame of getting her to program, and the older two don’t have driver’s licenses yet. And we’d had such a perfect record! I wonder if this will make it even harder to get an angry teen to church again.

I’ve never been good at asking for help, but I’m learning with this to do just that. I can’t do it all right now and it’s okay to have friends help out. Still, I feel inadequate and like a drama queen for asking.

I know my friends are praying for us and we do feel covered in a peace that trancends all understanding. Amazing God:) Wonderful friends!

Well, time for a new day. Perhaps this is the day I pick up my Bible.

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