Reality (#4)

Oh my. Reality set in today and it comes in the form of an upset stomach and lump in my throat. My daughter was really depressed this morning. I could tell by her lack of concern for her appearance (i.e. shower, hair, etc). The depression comes out in anger and I was the target. We talked a bit and she had some breakfast. Part of the treatment consists of scheduled eating. This morning’s breakfast and snack proved to be more difficult than I thought as Tashi’s disorder turns to more of a binging. ( Apparently the eating disorder can look many ways, not just cut and dry) In her mind, if she eats she gets out of treatment. Therefore, the more you eat the quicker you get out. This leads to an upset stomach for her.

After breakfast she rebounded and seemed determined to get on with this. She didn’t shower, but did put herself together nicely matching her sweats (because that’s what the other girls wear) to her shirt and just the right earrings too. After all, hadn’t I taught her through my actions that if you looked put together, all was right in your world? Amazing what they learn without any words spoken. The weekends are more laid back for the girls. Some so sick that they started out on the 8th floor, which means they were medically admitted. I’m thankful my daughter didn’t reach that point. Some you can visually tell had disorders, others hide it well.

We’ve met no one from Colorado. They’ve come from Nebraska, New Mexico, Wyoming and even California. It’s joyful to see the families visit for the long weekend. Many dad’s are conspicuously absent. I guess it’s harder for dad’s to accept the disorder? Often times dad’s are angry.

My other girls seem worried, and that comes out in different ways. Mostly in good ways:) It’s disrupted their lives too and I try to be mindful of that, spending time with them while still completing chores and finding time for myself.

At the end of the day, we fight over the snack of watermelon and crackers and I hope that someday she won’t be so mad at me anymore and will hug me again. And my mind goes through the day trying to find funny moments because it’s my coping mechanism.

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