Well, it’s been a very long time since I’ve posted anything at all. I have several half-finished entries. Then life got in the way. Again.
I had life all planned out. How I wanted life to be and what and when I wanted to accomplish. As is usually the case, God smiled and changed it all. I imagine with something better. However, right now I’m at the place where life isn’t looking at all like I planned. And I’m kind of mad about it.
In the past 2.5 years, I remarried, moved, had three different jobs, and got the quintessential little dog to be my new child, as my home unexpectedly became an empty nest for me as my youngest is staying with her dad now.
Being a mom was what I desired most out of life. Three beautiful daughters I am blessed with. I wasn’t ready to move on to a different chapter in life. Each child was supposed to finish high school and start college while still living at home. We’d be more like friends, so of course we would laugh and hang out while we all made dinner and cleaned up. Interestingly enough, not one of my children took that path as I had planned.
So here I am. Refusing to say “middle-aged” yet painfully aware that this is a new chapter in life. My husband is perplexed by my occasional moments of tears, as his daughter is still at home. I try to explain to him what it feels like. But he just doesn’t understand. Not to say he doesn’t care. Perhaps it’s one of those events in life that you can’t comprehend until it happens. His daughter still being at home also changes this phase for me, because when the child is biologically both of yours, you then start life with more time for each other.
I remember people telling me that “this too shall pass” when one of my daughters was having fits, or they were all sick at one time. Of course in the moment, I couldn’t fathom life being different. But as many a poetic song will tell you, in the blink of an eye their childhood was over. I do understand that I’ll always be a mom. I just have to figure out this new fit.
Song after song reminds me to have faith. To be at peace. To trust God. So I’m doing that now. I have to believe that God has a plan for this new chapter. I know I can still mother my girls and be more of a friend.
So here I am. Stepping out of the boat and onto the water. Fearful yet trusting. Anxious yet peaceful. Excited? Hopefully that feeling comes soon.
Here’s to a new chapter of life. Complete with surrender to God’s will and trusting His plan.